sometimes i forget,
that i am supposed to have a dad.
i should be over this by now,
but i am forever mourning what i wish i could have had.
i watch the world spin on,
like nothing is missing from my side.
while i am still learning how to live with something,
that i was always denied.
they say time heals all wounds,
that eventually it fades,
but how do you outgrow a love,
that was never even made?
i carry questions in my chest,
that never found a place to land.
why wasn’t i worth the effort?
or the love you never planned?
i laugh it off in daylight,
say i’m fine,
say i’m okay,
but the silence gets so loud,
when there’s no one there to stay.
i built myself from pieces,
from the strength i had to find,
but there’s an ache inside of my heart,
that healing couldn’t redesign.
and maybe i don’t miss you,
because i barely remember your face.
i just miss the idea of you,
and the “love” that took your place.
so i’ll keep growing through the cracks,
learning how to stand,
but a part of me will always ache,
for something close at hand.
because you showed me love is something people leave behind,
that hearts can be replaced,
when someone else feels more aligned.
you chose another woman,
left my mom to hold the pain,
and somehow i still carry it,
like it’s mine to explain.
now i trace that same reflection in the way i’m loved today,
how i stay a little longer,
even when they start to stray.
like i’m waiting for the moment they decide i’m not enough,
like love is always temporary, never steady, never tough.
and i hate that i believe it,
that i’m easy to outgrow,
that i’ll always be the one,
somebody learns to let go.
because if you couldn’t love her,
if you couldn’t even stay,
what makes me think i’d be the one,
where someone wouldn’t walk away?
how can a man love a woman like me and choose to remain,
when my own father proved love,
doesn’t always sustain.
so i brace for what feels certain, like a truth i understand.
that i’ll never be the reason someone stays,
even when they can.
Mouthful of Koryn 
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