Mouthful of Koryn

I was angry at God for answering my prayers

I begged for Him to take you away from me and was angry when He listened

I begged, because He knew I would never walk away.

______________________

Loving you was the most exquisite form of self destruction,

I knew I loved you when I started making excuses for the way you were hurting me,

It took letting go to realize I was holding onto nothing.

I won’t forget you, and maybe that’s the only forever the two of us were ever meant to have.

______________________

I continued to expect different results from someone who never had any plans on changing at all.

Toxic people only change their victims, never themselves.

I kept looking for happiness with the person who was taking it away from me.

Just because you love someone, it doesn’t make them deserve you, and the moment that you start to wonder if you deserve better, you do.

Never allow anyone to walk through your mind with their dirty feet.

______________________

I didn’t need saving, just someone I didn’t need to be saved from,

I was too much and not enough for a man who was everything and nothing at all.

What does it mean to me if you love me, miss me, or need me, when you did nothing to change, or stay. If I can’t be the love of your life,

I will be the loss of your life instead.

And no, I am no longer sad.

I lost someone who didn’t love me,

but you lost someone who loved you.

______________________

Before I met him, I would dance in the shower. When he was in my life I would think of him in the shower. After he left, I would sit on the ground in the shower and cry. When I got over him, I showered so quickly that there was no time for dancing, thoughts, or tears. Someone can invade the smallest parts of your life, you won’t even realize it until you dance in the shower again and wonder why you ever stopped.

When we think of “meant to be,” we automatically assume that means forever. But maybe it isn’t supposed to last forever. Maybe it’s just someone who is in your life to teach you something. Maybe the forever isn’t the person, but what we gain from them.

Sometimes people come in your life to show you who not to be.

_______________________

I got tired of waiting for the person I thought you had the potential to be

And accepted you for who you truly are.

You can only write about someone so much until the only thing you can write about is the last time you saw them

But I didn’t even recognize you the last time

So this is goodbye.

Thank you for the lessons,

Sincerely, Koryn.