Mouthful of Koryn

I’m not sure if you own a credit card

If you don’t, I’ll explain.

Credit cards have a lot of benefits, they do. I have one, and I use it for school.

I make $200 payments every week, but since I get paid biweekly, and have other bills like rent, or my car, I got a credit card so I can pay for school, and then the 28th of every month, I make my monthly payment. I’m basically pushing it aside until the time comes that I have to deal with it.

If you don’t make your minimum payment every month, however; you accrue debt. You’ll keep accruing debt until you pay everything you owe.

Avoiding arguments because “it’s not worth the fight” is like using an emotional credit card.

______________________

Everything that is not being seen, is being pushed to the side

You’re telling yourself, “I’m fine, I can let it go, relax.”

But over time, that debt starts to accumulate, only to come back up later, every time.

It starts to feel like loneliness

Anger

And anger is just sadness that had nowhere to go for a very long time.

One day you’ll start to feel resentment towards every person who didn’t listen

But the reality is, WE bit our tongues.

WE traded feeling heard,

for feeling safe.

______________________

I blamed myself for your decisions,

I was trying to take the bulk of responsibility in hopes that if it was all my fault, that it would be within my control to fix our relationship.

I tried shouldering the burden to avoid the reality you can’t and won’t change, and that you are not a fit for me,

Which caused me to believe I was an actual burden.

______________________

I know I could fall for anyone, love has no limits,

No boundaries

So why did I have to fall for someone who’d never fall for me?

I feel like I was brought into this world to show people how to be loved properly,

But to never receive it back.

I miss you more than I remember you.

I miss you,

But not who I was when I was with you.

______________________

I have spent my whole life resisting the urge to end it,

I feel like I am constantly worrying about the next part of my life without realizing that I’m right in the middle of what I used to look forward to

I wish there was a way I knew I was in the good times before I’ve left them.

I am homesick for a place I’m not even sure exists.

I am trying to destroy the fear that causes me to stay when I know I should leave

Sometimes you meet people where they are,

And sometimes you have to leave them there

______________________

When you’re filled with self love, you make better choices

And I’m trying not to love myself less just because someone doesn’t love me

Because it doesn’t matter how loud you love,

If the other person isn’t even listening.

I’m learning how to miss someone without wanting them back,

Just know that everything I’ve ever let go of has claw marks in it

______________________

I sense that I am slowly letting go

I know I am less in love with you everyday

It’s the most difficult thing when losing someone you love

The way you feel never dies all at once and all you can do is just wait and watch it all disappear

I think you know it’s finally over when you are more in love with your memories than with the person standing right in front of you

The same thing will break your heart as many times as it can,

As long as you love it.

______________________

I started wondering where I want to go

And I had to start going there

But I’m afraid I’ll miss you forever.